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Hello, Pawnee citizen, and welcome to the City Hall's Fourth Floor. Here you will find the DMV, divorce filings, and probation offices. Our lovely staff, lead by Office Manager and 12-time City Hall Strip Bingo Tournament Champion, Ethel Beavers, is always willing to help you out. City Health Inspectors state that children under 14 are expressly forbidden after 3:00 p.m. All visitors must sign the guestbook/waiver upon entering and leaving. So come on by. If you dare.
How To EnterEdit
Tips to make your visit to the Fourth Floor a breeze!
- The Fourth Floor may be accessed via elevator only, as Stairwell 1 is flooded and Stairwell 4 has been donated to Pawnee Community College's Paranormal Studies department.
- When you reach the Fourth Floor, it may look as if the lights are off - they are merely on at a low level to inhibit growth of a rare mold. Stay within the elevator vestibule until your eyes adjust.
- Proceed to the Security Desk nearby, taking care to remove any metal and loose change from your pockets. Walk through the metal detector, then the electromagnetic field detector, then retrieve your belongings from the guard.
- COUNT YOUR CHANGE, as our contract guards cannot always be trusted.
- Proceed to your intended department. Do not make eye contact with anyone. Do not speak to anyone. Do not accept suspicious packages from anyone. Do not answer any ringing pay phones. Do not pick up any of the old VHS tapes lying around the floor and attempt to play them. If you see any loose animals, do not approach them. Do not eat anything you find, even if it is in its original, sealed packaging. Do not open any doors if you do not know what is on the other side. Do not under any circumstances stop moving for more than 4 - 5 seconds. And if a man named Gary introduces himself, find the nearest BLUE PHONE and alert security immediately.
- Other than that, have fun!
Directory of OfficesEdit
- Department of Parking Enforcement
- Department of Tax Enforcement
- Department of Claims for Refunds
- Department of Records and Microfiche Storage
- Department of Road Hazards
- Department of Probation
- Department of Disease Control
- On-Site Convalescent/Recovery Ward for Workers at Department of Disease Control
- Department of Senior Health Services
- Department of Senior Disability Services
- Department of Death Records
- City Morgue
- Department of Excavation Permits
- Department of Insect Abatement
- Legal Claims Services for Persons Attacked by Insect Swarms
- Solid Waste Facilities
- Electrical Room (Note: Electrical Room wiring is currently being brought up to 1950s code. Do not enter without rubber boots and mouth cork.)
- Bolo ties
- Poison and other liquids in jugs
- Fountain pens
- Baseball cleats
- Daggers, sais, jambiyas, sickles, scythes, and other cleverly hidden bladed weapons
- Ninja throwing stars
- Blowgun and blow darts
- Tekko-kagi (or "hand claws")
- Friendship bracelets
"PROTECTION ITEMS" CURRENTLY ALLOWED:
- Pepper spray
- Baseball bats and other rods