|Lots of old people have chlamydia!|
|— Leslie Knope|
Tom's gadgets are taken away when he is charged with "driving while tweeting" after hitting a fire hydrant. He is sentenced by a judge to "a week without screens"--no phones, computers, or iPads. He tries recreate his favorite technologies, such as making his own Pinterest board out of a cork board and pictures of food, clothing, and other items and an iPhone out of paper, as well as watching Jerry Gergich work on his computer through a mirror.
Meanwhile, in Washington D.C., April and Ben meet Congressman David Murray, the man whose campaign they are running. They find he's very strange, seeming to turn himself off and stare at the wall for hours when he's not smiling, shaking hands, and giving speeches. Both April and Ben compare him to a robot.
Leslie begins the presentation at the senior center, demonstrating to the attendees with a banana. She is asked various raunchy questions by the senior citizens. Her session is interrupted by Marcia Langman and her husband Marshall Langman, members of the Society for Family Stability Foundation. They cite Pawnee's abstinence-only sex education law, stating that it applies to all government officials.
Ron finally helps Tom acclimate to life without technology by taking him to his secret cabin in the woods for the day. Ron suggests Tom purges, telling him everything that he misses about technology, and is subjected to hours of Tom's rambling.
Leslie goes back to the senior center, with no choice but to teach abstinence-only education. She is forced to read from a ridiculous pamphlet explaining that the human body is the devil's playground and finally reaches her breaking point. She does a condom demonstration and throws condoms at the audience, much to Marshall and Marcia's horror.
Tom tricks Ron into letting him use his car with the promise of buying steaks, but instead goes to Best Buy to buy an iPhone and then crashes Ron's car while tweeting. Disappointed in Tom, Ron agrees to not turn him in as long as he reads a giant manual on car repair and then helps him fix the car. He also stipulates Tom must look someone in the eye like a real man when he talks to them and not look at his phone.
Leslie is met with an official censure from Mayor Gunderson's office. She expects to receive further punishment from Chris Traeger and is surprised when he points out that she is now his boss. Leslie makes an appearance on The Final Word With Perd, arguing to get rid of abstinence-only education in Pawnee. She refuses to apologize and vows to work hard to change the abstinence-only law, despite public backlash she will receive.
- Adam J. Harrington as Congressman Murray
- Darlene Hunt as Marcia Langman
- Todd Sherry as Marshall Langman.
- Jay Jackson as Perd Hapley
- Jay Burns as Lance
Tom: I don't want to put words in your mouth, but case dismissed.
Lawyer: And you were texting at the time, correct?
Tom: How dare you sir? I was tweeting!
Tom: [via Tweet] Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #Unbreakable #WhatsMrGlassuptothesedays #whynosequel?
Leslie: Great news! Lots of old people have chlamydia!
Andy: Do pubic hairs get longer the older you get? Because that’s happening to me, what do I do?
Leslie: Seniors can be pretty ornery.
Andy: I think it's pronounced "horny".
Tom: Jerry, you check your email by going to AltaVista and typing in “please go to yahoo.com"?
Ron: [on his cabin in the woods] The electric company is not even aware there’s a structure there.
Tom: Okay, I start everyday by hitting up Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram. Sometimes I like to throw in Linkedin. For the profession shorties.
Tom: Wikipedia is mankind's greatest invention. You can learn about anything. We all know Ray J. We all know he's a singer. He's Brandy's brother. And he was in that classic sex tape with Kim Kardashian. But, did you also know he's Snoop Dogg's cousin AND he was in the 1996 Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks? Suddenly, you're on the Mars Attacks page!
Tom: [instructing Ron to check WebMD on a phone] Something with 4G, there’s no time for the Edge network!
Perd: There are some statistics that I want to share with you now, and they are numbers.
Ron: I'm giving you a non-electronic book made of paper from a tree. It is called Auto Repair Manual-1982. You will read this book from cover to cover then you will assist me in repairing the damage to my car. I will not report you to the judge but if you slip up again you will have much more to fear than some feeble government employee in a robe.
Ben: Terrific. Hey, I’m hungry. Let’s go eat some batteries, I mean human food!