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Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness

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Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

Ron Swanson devoloped the Pyramid of Greatness over the course of many years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement.

(Categories listed top to bottom by level of importance)

Category 1

  • Honor: If you need it defined, you can never attain it.

Category 2

  • America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other "cultures," use an atlas, or a ham radio.
  • Buffets: Whenever available. Choose quantity over quality.

Category 3

  • Weapons
  • Woodworking
  • Welfare Avoidance

Category 4

  • Teamwork: Work together as if your life depends on it... IT DOES.
  • Selfishness: Take what's yours.
  • Haircuts: 3 acceptable styles: high and tight, buzzed cut, crew cut.
  • Greatness Itself: The best revenge.

Category 5

  • Discipline: The ability to repeat a boring thing over and over again.
  • Attire: Shorts over 6" are capri pants, Short under 6" are European.
  • Self-Reliance: Trust yourself.
  • Suspicion: Do not trust anyone else.
  • Skim Milk*: Avoid it.

Category 6

  • Cow Protein- Always beats turkey meat
  • Pig Protein
  • Chicken Protein
  • Romantic Love
  • Deer Protein
  • Fish (Sport Only): It's practically a vegetable.

Category 7

  • Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.
  • Torso: Should be thick and impenetrable.
  • Old Wooden Sailing Ships: They're beautiful.
  • B.O.: Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.
  • Stillness: Don't waste energy moving unless necessary.
  • Skim Milk*: That's right. It's on here twice. Avoid It.
  • Cursing: There is only one bad word. Taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors it's good enough for you.

Category 8

  • Friends: One to Three is sufficient.
  • Property Rights: They exist. Don't let them be taken away from you.
  • Masonry: Building walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger.
  • Cabins: A place to rest that is made of logs.
  • Perspiration: Only sweat during physical activity or love making. No emotional sweating.
  • You: You are your biggest ally.
  • Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.
  • Physical Fitness

Category 9

  • Frankness: Cut the B.S.
  • Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.
  • Facial Hair: Full, Thick, and Square, nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it that probably means you can't grow it.
  • Living in the Woods: Live off the Land.
  • Rage: One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it.
  • Security: Secure the Land.
  • Poise: Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That's ridiculous
  • Handshakes: Firm, Dry, Solid. Three seconds.
  • Body grooming: Only women shave below the neck.

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