Ron Swanson devoloped the Pyramid of Greatness over the course of many years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement.
(Categories listed top to bottom by level of importance)
- Honor: If you need it defined, you can never attain it.
- America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other "cultures," use an atlas, or a ham radio.
- Buffets: Whenever available. Choose quantity over quality.
- Welfare Avoidance
- Teamwork: Work together as if your life depends on it... IT DOES.
- Selfishness: Take what's yours.
- Haircuts: 3 acceptable styles: high and tight, buzzed cut, crew cut.
- Greatness Itself: The best revenge.
- Discipline: The ability to repeat a boring thing over and over again.
- Attire: Shorts over 6" are capri pants, Shorts under 6" are European.
- Self-Reliance: Trust yourself.
- Suspicion: Do not trust anyone else.
- Skim Milk*: Avoid it.
- Cow Protein- Always beats turkey meat
- Pig Protein
- Chicken Protein
- Romantic Love
- Deer Protein
- Fish (Sport Only): It's practically a vegetable.
- Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.
- Torso: Should be thick and impenetrable.
- Old Wooden Sailing Ships: They're beautiful.
- B.O.: Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.
- Stillness: Don't waste energy moving unless necessary.
- Skim Milk*: That's right. It's on here twice. Avoid It.
- Cursing: There is only one bad word. Taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors it's good enough for you.
- Friends: One to Three is sufficient.
- Property Rights: They exist. Don't let them be taken away from you.
- Masonry: Building walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger.
- Cabins: A place to rest that is made of logs.
- Perspiration: Only sweat during physical activity or love making. No emotional sweating.
- You: You are your biggest ally.
- Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.
- Physical Fitness
- Frankness: Cut the B.S.
- Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.
- Facial Hair: Full, Thick, and Square, nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it that probably means you can't grow it.
- Living in the Woods: Live off the Land.
- Rage: One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it.
- Security: Secure the Land.
- Poise: Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That's ridiculous
- Handshakes: Firm, Dry, Solid. Three seconds.
- Body grooming: Only women shave below the neck.