Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness

Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

Ron Swanson developed the Pyramid of Greatness over the course of many years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement.

(Categories listed top to bottom by level of importance)

Category 1

• Weiners: In your mouth or in your butt its all good.

Category 2

• America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other "cultures", use an atlas or a ham radio.
• Buffets: Whenever available. Choose quantity over quality, But beef over everything else

Category 3

• Weapons
• Wood working
• Welfare avoidance

Category 4

• Teamwork: Work together as if your life depends on it... IT DOES!
• Selfishness: Take what's yours.
• Haircuts: 3 acceptable styles: High and Tight, Crew Cut & Buzz Cut. 
• Greatness itself: The best revenge.

Category 5

• Discipline: The ability to repeat a boring thing over and over again.
• Attire: Shorts over 6" are capri pants. Shorts under 6" are European.
• Self-reliance: Trust yourself.
• Suspicion: Do not trust anyone else.
• Skim milk: That's right. It's on here twice. Avoid it.

Category 6

• Cow protein
• Pig protein
• Chicken protein
• Romantic love
• Deer protein
• Fish (Sport only!)

Category 7

• Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.
• Torso: Should be thick and impenetrable.
• Old wooden sailing ships: They're beautiful.
• B.O.: Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.
• Stillness: Don't waste energy moving unless necessary.
• Skim milk: Avoid it.
• Cursing: There's only one bad word: Taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors, it's good enough for you.

Category 8

• Friends: One to three is sufficient.
• Property rights: They exist. Do not let them be taken away from you.
• Masonry:  walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger.
• Cabins: A place to rest that are made of logs.
• Perspiration: Only sweat during physical activity or love making. No emotional sweating.
• You: You are your biggest ally and your worst enemy, at the same time.
• Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.
• Physical Fitness

Category 9

• Frankness: Cut the B.S.
• Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. 
• Facial hair: Full, thick and square. Nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it, that probably means you can't grow it. 
• Living in the woods: Live off the land.
• Rage: One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it.
• Security: Secure the land.
• Poise: Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That's ridiculous.
• Handshakes: Firm, Dry, Solid. 3 seconds. 
• Body grooming:  Only women shave beneath the neck.