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|Do you have like a first-date outfit I could borrow? Like, I don't know, a pair of cargo pants?|
|— Leslie Knope|
The episode opens with Leslie and the rest of the Parks and Recreation Department watching media coverage of Pawnee Councilman Bill Dexhart admitting to having four-way sex in a Brazilian cave while pretending to be "building houses for the underprivileged". Tom insists nobody could find any dirt on him, prompting the parks department employees to start a game in which to see who can get the most dirt on each other. Meanwhile, Leslie tells Ann she is nervous about her first date with Pawnee police officer Dave Sanderson. Ann offers to take Leslie on a practice date to help Leslie prepare for the real date. During the practice date, Ann realizes that Leslie has a serious problem. Leslie brought note cards with "topics of conversation" and engages in fake-sounding "practice laughing."
Ann decides to use exposure therapy on Leslie to help her deal with the worst of situation. She acts very mean to Leslie, who is initially horrified, but she eventually stands up to Ann. When Ann tells her she is now ready for anything, Leslie feels cheered up and very confident. They go to a bar later to celebrate, where Leslie gets very drunk. After leaving Ann, she visits Dave's house to tell him that she was nervous about their upcoming date, but now realizes he's lucky to have her because of how "awesome I am". A seemingly annoyed Dave brings Leslie home. The next day, Leslie feels horrible for ruining her chances with Dave. He arrives at her office later and she starts to apologize, but he says she can make it up to them on their second date, thereby reassuring her the first date is already over. Leslie once again feels cheered up.
Meanwhile, during the office game, Mark tells Jerry that his adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession. A distraught Jerry said he did not know he was adopted, making Mark feel terribly guilty. Later, Ron declares himself the winner when he tells Tom he knows Tom's marriage to Wendy Haverford is a green card marriage to prevent her from being deported to Canada. A desperate Tom turns to Mark for help in finding dirt on Ron, and Mark suggests Tom visit Cozy's Bar and speak to Ron's old friend, Duke Silver. Tom visits the bar and learns Duke Silver is actually Ron himself, who plays saxophone in a jazz club as an alter ego. Tom confronts Ron, who immediately calls a truce to the game to prevent his secret from getting out. After watching more footage of Dexhart, Mark decides he wants Ann to learn all his own dark secrets from him. He visits her late at night and tells him about an affair he had with a married woman at age 16, among other secrets. Although initially confused, Ann is ultimately flattered by the gesture. April, disappointed nobody found dirt on her, announces she drove a lawnmower through a Nordstrom department store.
- Louis C.K. as Dave Sanderson
- Jay Jackson as Perd Hapley
- Jim O'Heir as Jerry Gergich
- Retta Sirleaf as Donna Meagle
- Kevin Symons as Bill Dexhart
- Jama Williamson as Wendy Haverford
Jerry: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have an unpaid parking ticket.
Mark: Well that's funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
Mark: You didn't know that, huh?
Jerry: I didn't know I was adopted.
Bill Dexhart: And to my wife, I apologize. All I can say is, I wasn't just having sex. I was making love... to a beautiful woman. And her boyfriend. And a third person whose name I never learned. Furthermore, it was wrong of me to say I was building houses for the underprivileged when I was actually having four-way sex in a cave in Brazil.
Leslie: I think it's a real shame when people focus on the tawdry details of a scandal. Personally, all I care about is Councilman Dexhart's policies; not whether he was high on nitrous and cocaine during the cave sex...which, by the way, I heard he was.
Leslie: Do you have like a first-date outfit I could borrow? Like, I don't know, a pair of cargo pants?
Ann: Yeah I wouldn't go with the cargo pant.
Leslie: What about like a sexy hat?
Ann: I don't even know what that is.
Leslie: Helping already.