|Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What'd you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?|
|— Leslie Knope, mimicking Tom Haverford|
Leslie Knope holds a drawing to determine who will fill the park's hummingbird feeders, a job reviled by the Parks and Recreation Department. Jerry Gergich, who is often mocked by his co-workers, is chosen because everybody writes down Jerry's name instead of their own. Later, Leslie receives a call from Ann Perkins that Jerry is in the hospital with a dislocated shoulder. Jerry claims to have been mugged in the park, and Leslie decides nobody should tease Jerry anymore. When Jerry returns, he acts particularly buffoonish during a slideshow presentation, and ends up farting and splitting his pants, but everyone holds back laughter at Leslie's request. Leslie meets with Carl Lorthner, a Park Security Ranger who is incredibly loud but oblivious to the fact. Leslie suggests Carl get more help for the park to be safe. Meanwhile, Ron Swanson teaches a self-defense course to the rest of the department so they don't end up like Jerry.
Leslie, Tom Haverford, and Jerry join Carl to take a tour of the park where Jerry was mugged. Carl says the area is largely unprotected due to budget cuts, so Leslie vows to get more funding. She appears on Pawnee Today, the local news show, saying the Pawnee government failed the parks and that security is poor. Paul Iaresco, the City Manager, is angry over the television appearance, but informs Leslie the stunt worked and Mayor Gunderson is offering $2500 to help fix the park. While at a press conference about the money, Jerry confesses to Leslie that he wasn't mugged: he dropped a breakfast burrito in a creek, then fell while trying to grab it and dislocated his shoulder. He fabricated the mugger story because he was embarrassed and nervous that everyone would make fun of him again. Leslie soon discovers Carl was offended by Leslie's statements about park security and plans to show footage of Jerry falling into the creek on Pawnee Today. Leslie negotiates with Carl to not show the event, and instead they talk during the show about how much they enjoyed the film Avatar, much to the anger of host Joan Callamezzo. As part of their deal to not show the tape, Leslie buys Carl a brand new security cart. Carl hands over the tape, which she agrees to throw away after she watches it one last time.
In a side plot, a love triangle develops between Andy Dwyer, April Ludgate and Ann. In an interview, Ann says Andy is a fun person but was a terrible boyfriend because he is completely reliant on others. When learning self-defense from Ron, Ann takes down Andy with a wrist grab, impressing Andy but making April jealous. After Andy is accidentally knocked out by Ron, Ann later approaches Andy at his shoe shine stand and brings him gifts to help him feel better. April arrives and Andy gives her a vegetarian muffin. Surprised Andy got something for someone other than himself, Ann believes Andy has changed.
April: I thought Freddy Spaghetti OD'd.
Leslie: No, that's Mr. Funny Noodle. And he didn't OD; his drummer shot him.
Carl: Yeah I've always been a bit of an outdoorsman. When I was a kid, my parents used to make me hang out in the backyard a lot and just run around 'til I got tired. But if there's any criminals out there watching, I never get tired. And ladies too.
[Leslie, Tom, Jerry and Carl board a golf cart]
Tom: This thing is a mess.
Carl: WE USED TO HAVE THREE CARS ACTUALLY. THE FIRST ONE GOT PUSHED INTO THE CREEK BY SOME KIDS. THE SECOND ONE RACCOONS GOT ONTO. THERE WAS URINE EVERYWHERE. AND THE THIRD ONE WAS RECENTLY STOLEN.
Tom: What’s this one?
Carl: THIS IS THE SECOND ONE. THE RACCOON PISS ONE.
Ann: I watch a lot of Lifetime movies. There was this one, How Far is Too Far Enough: The Terry Palaver Lonagan Story. This woman had agoraphobia and her therapist was obsessed with her. And he hid in her house, and then he attacked her and tried to eat her toes. Also, her daughter was having sex way too young. So yeah, free self defense class? I'm there.
Leslie: Why didn’t you just tell everybody the truth?
Jerry: Are you kidding me? Imagine what Tom would have said.
[cut to Leslie impersonating Tom]
Leslie: Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What’d you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?