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Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What'd you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?
Leslie Knope, mimicking Tom Haverford

"Park Safety" is the nineteenth episode in the second season of the NBC television series Parks and Recreation. It originally aired on March 18, 2010 to 4.70 million viewers.

Synopsis[]

After Jerry is mugged in a park, Leslie meets with the head ranger in hopes of improving safety; everyone tries to be nicer to Jerry when he returns to the office.

Storyline[]

Leslie holds a drawing to determine who will fill the park's hummingbird feeders, a job reviled by the Parks and Recreation Department. Jerry, who is often mocked by his co-workers, is stuck with the job once again because the others put his name in the hat instead of their own. Later, Leslie receives a call from Ann that Jerry is in the hospital with a dislocated shoulder. Jerry claims to have been mugged in the park, and Leslie decides nobody should tease Jerry anymore. When Jerry returns, he acts particularly buffoonish during a slideshow presentation, and ends up farting and splitting his pants, with everyone struggling to hold back their laughter at Leslie's request. Later, Leslie meets with Carl Lorthner, a Park Security Ranger who is incredibly loud but oblivious to the fact. Leslie suggests Carl get more help for the park to be safe. Meanwhile, Ron teaches a self-defense course to the rest of the department so they don't end up like Jerry.

Meanwhile, Andy and April continue to get closer, to Ann's surprise. In an interview segment, Ann says Andy is a fun person but was a terrible boyfriend because he is completely reliant on others. During the self-defense course with Ron, Ann takes down Andy with a wrist grab, impressing Andy but making April jealous. Andy is accidentally knocked out by Ron during his own demonstration.

The net day, Leslie, Tom, and Jerry join Carl to take a tour of the park where Jerry was mugged. Carl says the area is largely unprotected due to budget cuts, so Leslie vows to get more funding. She goes on Pawnee Today, saying the Pawnee government failed the parks and that security is poor. Paul Iaresco, the City Manager, is angry over the television appearance, but informs Leslie the stunt worked and Mayor Gunderson is offering $2500 to help fix the park. While at a press conference about the money, Jerry confesses to Leslie that he wasn't mugged. In truth, he dropped a breakfast burrito in a creek, then fell while trying to grab it and dislocated his shoulder. He fabricated the mugger story because he was embarrassed and nervous that everyone would make fun of him again. Meanwhile, Ann approaches Andy at the shoeshine stand and asks him how he's doing. April then arrives and Andy gives her a muffin she likes from the cafe. Surprised Andy got something for someone other than himself, Ann believes Andy has changed.

Leslie soon discovers Carl was offended by Leslie's statements about park security and plans to show footage of Jerry falling into the creek on Pawnee Today. Leslie negotiates with Carl to not show the event, and instead they talk during the show about how much they enjoyed the film Avatar, much to the anger of host Joan Callamezzo. As part of their deal to not show the tape, Leslie buys Carl a brand new security cart. Carl hands over the tape, which she agrees to throw away after she watches it one last time.

Jerry notes to the documentary crew that he's simply counting down the days until his retirement when he can collect his pension.

Cast[]

Quotes[]

April: I thought Freddy Spaghetti OD'd.
Leslie: No, that's Mr. Funny Noodle. And he didn't OD; his drummer shot him.
April: Oh.

Carl: Yeah I've always been a bit of an outdoorsman. When I was a kid, my parents used to make me hang out in the backyard a lot and just run around 'til I got tired. But if there's any criminals out there watching, I never get tired. And ladies too.

[Leslie arrives to the Parks Department with a pillow]
Leslie: [seeing the banner Tom and April made - three papers with "Welcome Back JERRY" on each individual page] Ha ha, guys. Really funny. Where's the real banner?
April: We only had an hour.
Leslie: So did I! Look what I did. [shows the pillow - it's very decorative with a woven picture of Jerry smiling and the words "We Love You Jerry"; April is silent]

Leslie: Remember you guys - no jokes, no comments, nothing but support.
Tom: He needs a lot of support. [April smirks]
Leslie: [sternly] Tom...
Tom: Talking about a bra for a man.
[Tom, April, Donna, and even Leslie chuckle at this]
Leslie: [gathers herself] Okay, seriously. That was the last one.

Jerry: That's a picture of my vacation in Muncie.
Tom: You went on a vacation and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
Jerry: Yeah. My wife and I have a timeshare.
Tom: [trying not to laugh] In Muncie??
Leslie: Tom. Muncie is a lovely city.

Jerry: Hunting and Fishing season is winding down. Okay? We all know there is already a close season on twout. So now- [realizes he stumbled his words]
[April, Tom, and Donna are doing their best to restrain themselves]
Jerry: I said "twout", instead of "trout".
Donna: [calmly] It happens to everyone.

Jerry: My marbles are full of mouth, today. [he chuckles]
[April makes a funny face to the camera - she clearly can't take it anymore; Tom is also making a funny face]

Jerry: Has anybody seen my glasses? I don't even think I can- [bends down to pick something up, but his pants tear and he farts; everyone tries their best to restrain themselves]

[Leslie, Tom, Jerry and Carl board a golf cart]
Tom: This thing is a mess.
Carl: WE USED TO HAVE THREE CARS, ACTUALLY. THE FIRST ONE GOT PUSHED INTO THE CREEK BY SOME KIDS. THE SECOND ONE RACCOONS GOT ONTO. THERE WAS URINE EVERYWHERE. AND THE THIRD ONE WAS RECENTLY STOLEN.
Tom: What’s this one?
Carl: THIS IS THE SECOND ONE. THE RACCOON PISS ONE.

Ann: I watch a lot of Lifetime movies. There was this one, How Far is Too Far Enough: The Terry Palaver Lonagan Story. This woman had agoraphobia and her therapist was obsessed with her. And he hid in her house, and then he attacked her and tried to eat her toes. Also, her daughter was having sex way too young. So yeah, free self defense class? I'm there.

Leslie: Why didn’t you just tell everybody the truth?
Jerry: Are you kidding me? Imagine what Tom would have said.
[cut to Leslie impersonating Tom]
Leslie: Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What’d you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?

Trivia[]

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