|I'm prepping for the Pawnee Correspondents' Lunch. It's an annual affair where the media and the government roast each other. My number one target: The Pawnee Sun. Three hundred and sixty-four days a year, they rake me over the coals. Today, I take those burning coals, I shove them back down their throats and I watch their melting flesh drip off their worthless faces... It's all in good fun.|
|— Leslie Knope|
Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt return from their Hawaiian honeymoon, and present gifts to everyone in the office. Later on, Leslie tries some jokes out on her staff for her upcoming speech at the Pawnee Correspondents' Lunch. Every year the government and media in Pawnee get together to roast each other, and Leslie is determined to serve it up to the ruthless Pawnee Sun tabloid like never before. Ann Perkins, still on her quest to have a baby, chooses Chris Traeger as her potential sperm donor. However, she struggles to gain the courage to speak to him about it.
Meanwhile, Ben begins his new job at the Sweetums Foundation. His first assignment is to pick a charity for the company to fund, but with only a day to do so and hundreds of charity applications to sift through, he recruits Andy Dwyer, April Ludgate and Tom Haverford to help him. However, Tom is more interested in Sweetums' fancy lunches and April cares little for charity or helping out Ben. Andy on the other hand shows an inclining for charity, and picks out an after-school music program for at-risk children. Ben is impressed by Andy's choice and likes the idea. However, after Ben picks a different charity to Andy's, Andy falls into a depressed state. Still struggling to cope with failing to become a police officer, this latest knock back is just another kick in the guts for Andy.
At the Correspondents' Lunch, Leslie confronts Pawnee Sun reporter Kim Terlando and boasts about how her speech is going to "whoop ass". Kim is called up on stage ahead of Leslie and presents her speech. It is clear to Leslie, however, that Kim has plagiarized Leslie's speech, stealing all her jokes and one-liners, leaving Leslie with nothing to present and shocked as to how Kim got ahold of her notes. Leslie initially accuses Jerry Gergich of letting slip his copy of her speech; it doesn't solve the problem, as she now needs to come up with completely new material in a matter of minutes. She ends up winging the speech in order to get off the stage as soon as possible. Elsewhere at the Luncheon, Ann finally announces to Chris that she wants him to be the sperm donor. She quickly leaves the vicinity upon telling him, leaving Chris to ponder.
Back at City Hall, Leslie deduces that Kim must be hacking her emails. With the help of Donna Meagle, Leslie plans to foil Kim. At an ensuing press conference about the Pawnee Commons, Kim questions Leslie about reported soil contaminant at Lot 48, naming the contaminant as "midichlorians". Leslie announces to those present at the conference that she and Donna contrived that email in order to catch Kim in the act, with midichlorians being a fictional term from the Star Wars universe. This leaves Kim and her reputation in tatters, and she is forced to flee the room.
Also back at City Hall, Chris confronts Ann and informs her that he's flattered she'd even consider him to be the father of her child. He lets her know he'll need some to time to think it over.
Feeling sorry for Andy and seeing how much of an "idea man" he is, Ben offers Andy a job working for him at the Sweetums Foundation as a part time assistant, and as a way of getting him back on his feet.