|I wonder who else was born in Eagleton... Voldemort, probably.|
|— Leslie Knope|
Leslie Knope has written a book called Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America and is preparing to promote it on local talk show “Pawnee Today”. She hopes that host Joan Callamezzo will select it for her book club, which will guarantee high sales and help Leslie's campaign for city council. Before Leslie goes on the show, an anonymous source claims there is an inaccuracy in the book, which Leslie asks the parks department to find because she knows that Joan will reveal it during the interview as a form of gotcha journalism. Ann Perkins is teamed up with Ron Swanson and April Ludgate to fact check the book, and although she is determined to win them over with kindness, they want nothing to do with her.
Leslie goes on “Pawnee Today” where Joan reveals that the inaccuracy is that Leslie was not born in Pawnee as she states in the book, and Joan refuses to put it in her book club. Leslie disputes the claim, but the damage from the interview is done: when Leslie is promoting the book, she is heckled by people who demand to see her birth certificate and it becomes an issue for her campaign for City Council. Leslie shows her short-form birth certificate to her campaign advisors William Barnes and Elizabeth, but since it only lists the county that she was born in, they say she needs to produce her long-form birth certificate, which is in the Wamapoke County Records office located in Eagleton, Pawnee’s hated rival town. Andy Dwyer steals the birth certificate and Leslie is horrified to learn that she was actually born in Eagleton.
Leslie hires Tom Haverford to charm Joan into putting the book in her book club, which Tom is confident of doing because he always playfully flirts with Joan. However, he calls everything off when she begins hitting on him for real due to her impending divorce. Joan becomes very drunk during lunch with Tom and Ben Wyatt, forcing them to carry her home. Meanwhile, after trying and failing to win over Ron and April, Ann finally gets them to open up by telling gross stories about her job at the Saint Joseph Hospital.
Leslie’s mother Marlene Griggs-Knope admits that Leslie was born in Eagleton, but only because Pawnee’s hospital was overrun with raccoons when she went into labor. Still, Leslie is depressed and feels that she is not a true Pawneean. Chris Traeger disagrees, telling Leslie that she is the most dedicated resident in town and where she was born does not matter. Hearing this, Leslie goes back on “Pawnee Today” and reveals the truth, but also proves how much she loves Pawnee by reciting the many people and places in town. Joan allows the book into the book club, but also puts a big “Gotcha!” sticker on the back of the book.
Jerry: Mine just says "get well soon."
Leslie: Aren't you sick?
Leslie: ...something's off.
Leslie: The Time Traveler's Optometrist by Pawnee's own Penelope Foster. A heart-warming story about a caveman eye doctor who travels to present day Cincinnati and can see everything but love. Unreadable. Then Joan slaps her sticker on it: bestseller four years in a row.
Ron: Anyone find any mistakes?
April: Yeah, actually, in here it says that Pawnee is great, but in reality it's terrible.
Tom: At the risk bragging one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me smiling and taking partial credit.
Ron: Ann was getting a little chummy. When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.
April: That's a genius move.
Ron: Thank you.
April: You're welcome, Lester.
Derry: Welcome to "Thoughts For Your Thoughts." I'm Derry Murbles, filling in for David Parker who took off for eight months to study the migration patterns of our nation's squirrels. He has not been heard from since.
Joan: Drink up, Tom. I'm gonna go powder my nose... amongst other things... if you know what I mean.
Ben: Dude, is she going to powder her vagina?
Tom: So Ben, tell us about Star Trek.
Ben: Well, they're making a sequel. [pause] I assume with the same alternate storyline, but if they expect us to believe that the sexual tension is between Uhura and Spock and not Kirk, then, well lets just say the message boards are on fire.
Joan: [drunk] You know what I wanna do? I wanna take you both home, bend you the bleep over and bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep at the same time.
Tom: Ben, Leslie hired my company to get her that sticker. You're the one that told me businesses need "clients" to get "money."
Ben: I was the first one to tell you that?
- Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America by Leslie Knope was subsequently released as a paperback and is available through the official NBC online store.